Numb
by MyPassionateMusician
Summary: I’m numb. I’m totally and completely numb. I feel nothing. I am nothing. I’m useless. All I see is emptiness. I’ve been empty since that night.
1. Numb

Don't worry. It's not another story, it's just a 3 shot. It might not seem like one, but it is. You'll see what I mean when you read it. Ok, this is COMPLETELY different than what I'm use to. It'll be different for ya'll too. I've wrote about cutting, addiction, and some smut, but this is a little different.

If you read my stories Countdown, Flashback, and 3,2, 1, Break, than you know I've wrote about rape before. But this is different. It's a lot more intense and it's...not what you expect. You'll probably hate me at the end, but oh well. I got this idea from an author (I think your21..I'm not sure) who wrote a story on the Hannah Montana site on here and I liked what she did. So kudos to her/him. This isn't exactly what she did, but I guess you can say it was inspired by her. Anyways, enough rambling. Here you go. My story...Numb.

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Chapter 1: I've Become so Numb

I'm numb. I'm totally and completely numb. I feel nothing. I am nothing. I'm useless. Every time I look in the mirror, the girl that I use to be is staring at me. She's hiding inside me. She likes to mock me with her happiness, that happiness I use to feel. I use to be so beautiful, so carefree. I use to love who I was but now, all I see is emptiness. I've been empty since that night. That night changed my life forever.

It was about a month ago. Tommy, Sadie, Kwest, Jamie, Patsy, and I decided to go to a party in downtown Toronto. Tommy and I felt a little left out since we had nobody really to go with. Sadie and Kwest had each other and the same with Jamie and Patsy. It was a little awkward to say the least. Sadie and I were up in my room looking for some clothes to wear. I found a shirt that I had never worn before. It was a black low-cut crop-top. I don't know why, but I decided to try it on. I went into the bathroom to put it on with some hip huggers and came out.

"Jude, that is so sexy," Sadie squealed.

I looked in the mirror a little uneasy. This wasn't me.

"I don't know. You don't think it's a little too revealing?" I asked trying to cover my cleavage.

"No, not at all. Jude, its ok to show off what you have every once in a while."

I looked back in the mirror. I had to admit, it did look really good on me, especially with my blonde hair.

"Besides, I think Tommy will like it," she said smirking.

"You think so?" I responded without thinking. Oops.

"So you do like him?"

"Uh, yea, I little," I said shyly.

She smiled and nodded knowingly. But she didn't know. That was a total lie. I didn't like Tommy a little bit. I loved him, with all my heart. He was always on my mind. His iceberg eyes and winning smile made my heart melt. But I knew he would never look at me that way. He would never love me that way.

Sadie and I finally made it downstairs to see the gang. Everyone was eyeing me. I guess the shirt was more revealing than I thought. But the eyes I felt burning into my skin were the ones belonging to Tommy Quincy. He couldn't keep his eyes off me. I tried my hardest to make sure I wasn't smiling goofy or something. I kept glancing over and his eyes were still following my every curve.

"I think it's time to go," Kwest said as I stood next to Tommy.

"Hey Quincy," Patsy said as his eyes finally left me and went to her.

"Yea," Tommy asked.

"You're drooling," she said pretty smugly.

Tommy looked down in embarrassment and it was almost too cute. We finally headed to the party. That party where my fate was sealed forever. It took about an hour just to get there and find a parking spot. It was just a party at some guys mansion. I didn't even know who he was. He was a friend of Darius and he suggested we should go. So of course, we took the invitation.

We all walked in and the music was so loud I could hardly even here Kwest, and he was yelling at the top of his lungs.

"Sadie and I are going to dance. We'll meet at the car around 2 am, ok!?" Kwest yelled as loud as he could.

All of us nodded and Jamie and Patsy went into the kitchen to get something to eat. Tommy and I looked around nervously. I didn't know what to do when I was around him. I felt like a silly little high school girl who was in love with the star quarterback. He looked at me and smiled. God, I just wanted to melt right there. He held at his hand and I looked at him curiously,

" Do you want to dance?" He asked me in the sweetest way.

I smiled and nodded. I had no words to speak with .I was afraid I would say something stupid. We dance to a pretty fast song and it was getting pretty hot with all the body heat. We dance for about 3 songs and I was starting to suffocate.

"is it just me, or is it getting really hot in here?" I asked Tommy using my hand as a fan.

"Do you wanna go upstairs and cool down for a while?" he asked leading me out of the dancing crowd.

"Sure, that'll be great," I said.

"Go upstairs and I'll get us something to drink," he yelled walking away.

I slowly went upstairs and picked the first door I saw. I went in side and saw a big canopy bed. It was beautiful. I sat on the bed waiting for Tommy, hoping he would know to choose the first one. I waited for a few minutes until I finally heard a knock. Tommy peeked in and I smiled at him. He came in with two bottles in his hands and sat down next to me on the bed. He handed me the bottle and it was Budlight. I looked at him weird.

"It was the only thing they had," He said shrugging.

I took a little sip and felt it going down my throat. It tasted disgusting, and yet I kept taking sips. I didn't want to look like a loser in front of Tommy. If he was drinking, so was I. Tommy set his bottle down on the ground and I followed his actions. He was looking around like he was nervous about something.

"Tommy, are you ok? You look a little nervous," I said with concern in my voice.

He looked at me and smiled nervously.

"I want to tell you something," he said looking into my eyes.

I smiled making sure he knew it was ok to go on.

"Jude, you haven't noticed yet, I really like you. I can't stop thinking about you. I guess you can say that…I love you." He said never taking his beautiful blue eyes off me.

I was shocked. Did Tom Quincy just tell Jude Harrison that he loves her? I couldn't believe my ears. It took a minute or two to register through my head that this was actually happening.

"Now would be a good time to say something," he said.

"You have no idea how long I waited for you to say that," I said laughing.

Tommy smiled at me and kissed me lightly at first. Then it started to get more intense. It wasn't even passionate. Tommy started to lay me down on the bed and I pushed him back up. He started to do it again. This time I didn't resist. All we were doing was kissing anyway. So I got a little more comfortable as he started to kiss me harder. I felt his hands pulling up my shirt. I pushed him lightly.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"Yea, can we just take it slow?" I said.

He smiled and nodded. He started to go towards my lips but suddenly went to my neck. At first I enjoyed it until he started to go further down.

"Tommy, what are you doing?" I said in disbelief.

He didn't answer me. He started to kiss me again and shoved his tongue down my throat. I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me. He grabbed my wrist and pinned them above my head. What was he doing? What did he want?

"Time to have some fun Jude," he said with a devilish smile.

Tommy started to kiss me neck again and then started to kiss my breasts. I knew this shirt was a bad idea.

"Tommy, please! Don't do this. Just stop." I pleaded.

He didn't stop. He kept going. It was like I was invisible and had no voice. Tears started to come down furiously. He let go of my wrist and started to undo my pants. I took this opportunity to try and push him off. Bad idea; he pushed me down and slapped me. I looked at him in shock.

He went back to unbuttoning my pants and finally ripped them off. He took off my panties and I kept pleading for him to stop. But he wouldn't, he just kept going and slapped me every time I tried to push him off. By the time he took off his pants and boxer I had a bruise on the left side of my cheek.

Then, Tommy finally thrust in me without warning. I cried out in pain and he held my wrists again. I closed my eyes as the pain became almost unbearable. I kept telling myself, that it wasn't happening. _'This isn't happening. Tommy isn't doing this to me. It's Tommy, he wouldn't hurt me. This is a dream. Wake up! Wake up!' _I kept telling myself. I kept telling myself over and over to wake up from this nightmare that was happening. But when I opened my eyes, Tommy was still on top of me thrusting and harder and harder.

He moaned as he lost his rhythm.

"Jude!" He yelled as he finally climaxed.

He collapsed on top of me. This would've been an easy time to push him off but I couldn't move. I kept crying as I felt myself bleed through the sheets of the bed. Tommy finally lifted himself up and kissed me. I didn't kiss back. I couldn't. I just sat there imagining myself on stage singing to all of my fans. Hearing them screaming at the top of their lungs just for me. That was my happy place as Tommy kept kissing my lips, my neck, and my breasts.

After a couple of minutes he finally got off of me and put on his pants. I just laid there…numb. He was about to walk out and then he turned to me.

"You know no one is going to believe right?" he said to me in a stern voice.

He was right. No one would believe me. It was Tommy. Tommy wouldn't do this to me or anyone else.

"Put you're clothes on and come downstairs. Or you can just stay up here, because I might come back for more." He said right before he left with that smile that use to make me knees wobble.

I just stayed there not knowing exactly what had happened. I started to cry again once reality finally sunk in. Now I know it wasn't a dream. It was real, everything was real. I wasn't imagining anything. I had to face the facts.

Tommy raped me.

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I know...unbelievable right? That's what I was going for. If you hate me...oh well. I thought it was a very psychotic twist myself but hey, I told you it was different. 2 more chapters so I hope that you'll stay for the end. REVIEW PLEASE!! 


	2. Lost Under the Surface

I'm am SO sorry. I know it's been a LOOONG time. But after this...only one more chapter. So, it'll be finished and I hope all of you like it too!!

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Chapter 2: Lost Under the Surface 

I walked down the stairs slowly with a blank stare. I had my arms across my chest to warm myself up. It must've been 98 degrees but I felt so cold. I felt so dead. I saw Tommy talking to some girl near the bar and pouring her a drink. I stared at him, watching him lure the innocent girl into his trap. He was a monster. He hid it so well underneath that mask. I fell for it, and so will she.

He turned his head and looked at me. I winced and turned away swiftly. I didn't watch where I was going and bumped into someone. They grabbed my wrists and I started to scream.

"Get off of me!" I yelled.

"Jude! Jude, calm down! It's me!"

I looked up and saw Jamie. He held my wrists to keep me from falling. I breathed out with relief. I hugged him tightly and he laughed as he returned the gesture and let me go.

"You ok? You acted like a psycho!" Jamie asked, yelling over the loud music.

"Um, I'm fine. I just…I don't…I don't trust any of the guys here! I was a little freaked out when I didn't know who you were!" I said as loudly as I could. I didn't feel like yelling. It seemed as if I couldn't breathe anymore.

"Oh, that's understandable!" he said.

"So are we going to leave soon!?"

The music seemed louder than before and it was hurting my ears. I wanted to leave, I _needed_ to leave. I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him. I couldn't look at him. Every time I did the scene would play over again.

"Leave!?" he looked surprised.

"Please, I'm not feeling very well and I just want to go home!"

"Ok, let me get Tommy and…"

"No!" I said louder than I probably should have. Jamie looked at me concern and I tried to smile but failed. I just shook my head and looked at the floor. He grabbed my hand and took me outside.

"What happened between you and Tommy?"

"N-nothing. We just got into a fight over something stupid and I just can't deal with him right now." I said I kept my eyes on the crack pavement below us. I was tracing the lines with my eyes. "Can you just take me home please?" I continued, "I don't want to ruin everyone else's fun. Just take me home and you can come back."

"Are you sure?"

"Yea, I'm sure."

Jamie nodded his head and went inside to tell Patsy. Once he came out he led me to his car. I saw the blue viper next to his. That car put flashbacks in my head again and I gasped. Jamie looked at me in concern and I insisted that I was ok. I couldn't think of any excuses so I stopped talking. The car ride was silent as I looked out the window. I didn't feel like crying, I didn't feel like yelling, I didn't feel like anything.

I got home and thanked Jamie. He said if I needed to talk he was always there. I just turned away and walked into my house. I couldn't talk to him about this. I couldn't talk to anyone about this. I went up to my room and changed into my PJ's. I sat in my bed crying. Tommy wouldn't do that. He just couldn't. It was Tommy, and he was my one love. I loved him. That thing that scared me the most was that I kept thinking that I still did. I finally cried myself to sleep.

_I walked into Studio 1. I sat down on the couch and started writing. I heard a knock on the door. I told them I was busy but they insisted on coming in, ignoring me. I looked up annoyed and then saw Tommy. I sat up straight, scared for my life._

"_Hey, Jude," he said calmly and friendly, "You want to have some more fun?"_

"_Fun? I never had fun!" I shouted at him._

"_Don't be like that. I know you liked it, and so do you."_

_He walked towards me and took my notebook, then threw it across the room. _

"_No, I didn't. You…raped me." I sternly said._

"_You wanted and don't you ever tell anyone different."_

_He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I couldn't breathe. I screamed as loud as I could but no one heard me. Finally Kwest came in and Tommy still didn't stop. I shouted help to Kwest. I told him that Tommy was raping me but he just stood there and laughed as Tommy started to take off my pants._

"_Jude, you have to be crazy. Tommy would never rape you. It's Tommy." He said._

"_I told you," Tommy whispered in my ear._

"_No! Please, no! I'm begging you, stop!" I kept repeating over and over again. Then Tommy started to shake me and say my name._

"_Jude. Oh, Jude. Jude!"_

"_No, please."_

_He stopped and looked me in the eye._

"_Jude, wake up."_

"_What?"_

"_Jude! Jude wake up!"_

I shot up from my bed and saw Sadie and my dad there staring at me oddly. _'It was just a dream?' _I thought to myself.

"Jude are you ok?" Sadie asked first, "You kept screaming "no" and "please stop".

"Yea, I'm fine, just a bad dream," I said more to myself than to her.

Both nodded and told me I had to go to the studio today. At first I thought all of it was just a nightmare. But when I took off my clothes to take a shower, I saw the bruises. His hand prints were on my thighs. The hot water from the shower head stung as it hit my cuts and bruises. I couldn't go to the studio. I went out of the shower, got dressed, and ran.

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PLEASE REVIEW!! ONE MORE SHOT LEFT!! 


	3. Falling Apart Right in Front of You

Sorry times infinity. That's about as high as I can go by now. Truthfully, I totally forgot about this fanfiction until someone actually PMed me about it. I feel incredibly horrible...but once I remembered...I totally forgot how I was going to end it. But, I like this ending. It's good. Sorry btw...Tommy does not have an evil twin and none of this is a dream...

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Chapter 3: Falling Apart Righ in Front of You

I ran as fast as I could. I didn't even know where I was going. I just knew I had to get away from something. I stopped in the middle of the park when I realized that I was running from the tragedy that would never erase from my mind; the truth that I didn't want to confront. I felt so light-headed. I collapsed on the ground and my head in my hands. It was throbbing badly. Once my breathing finally got back to normal I sat on the bench near the pond.

I looked at the couple across from me. I saw how tenderly that man kissed the woman's neck. I turned away disgusted. Men never wanted anything more than a girl's body. I took out my mirror to check myself. My eyes were completely empty. It was like there was no one behind them. Why did I feel so empty? Tommy Quincy ruined me that night. He ruined my life. He was taking over it, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. He didn't have to do or say anything as long as he was still in my mind. Those same images replayed over and over again. I wanted to make it stop, but it wouldn't. It was reminding me how weak I was; reminding me how Tommy stole my body away from me. But not only did he still my body. He stole my heart as well.

They way he stole my heart was not the way I thought it was supposed to happen. Usually when people have stolen hearts, it was a very good thing. It meant that they loved that other person. But this wasn't happy news. It was a tragedy. Tommy stole my heart. I had no more heart. It stopped beating the moment he changed into the monster. That monster hid the man I knew so well. That monster was always in him. It was just waiting for the right opportunity to show up. It should've just stayed hidden. I started to cry and sob. Why wouldn't these images just leave me alone? I didn't want them anymore! _'Get out of my head!' _I yelled in my head. I felt like one of those patients in an asylum. You know, the ones who rock back and forth in a corner counting incoherent numbers?

I felt someone touch my cold shoulder and I jumped. My tear-filled eyes met with a pair of scary deep blue eyes. I jumped up from the bench as Tommy walked towards. He looked at me confusingly. "Jude, you weren't at the studio," he informed me as if I didn't know. He was waiting for a response but I couldn't. I didn't know what to say. I knew what to say to Tommy Quincy, but not this monster that was standing in front of me. This beast was a complete stranger to me and my mom always told me not to talk to strangers. He looked at me and sighed. "So I guess you're still mad about last night?"

He came up to me and grabbed my hand. I couldn't make a scene in front of all these people in the middle of the park. He led me to his car. I resisted a bit but finally gave in. I didn't have a reason on why I gave in. It was just another example of how weak I was then. He drove to a secluded spot. This was very, very bad. "Where are you taking me?" I finally croaked.

"Jude, listen, last night was fun wasn't it?" He asked as he kissed me. He deepened the kiss and I pushed him off.

"No!" I shouted. I covered my mouth with my hands when I saw the anger in his eyes.

"Jude, do you want to make this easy or hard?"

I backed up to the door a bit until I found the latch that would unlock it. I put my hand behind my back. "Neither!" I yelled as I opened the door and ran out of the car. Tommy quickly chased after me and caught up with me. He grabbed my legs and I fell to the ground. I kicked my legs and finally kicked him in the face. I tried to get up again but I tripped over his leg. He got up and grabbed the back of my hair. He looked me straight in the eyes as new tears came down from my eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Tommy asked me with anger in his voice.

Suddenly, for some reason, I had new courage. I smacked is hand away and kicked him in the groin. I stood up and looked at him fall to the floor. Tommy had this obsession of having me on the ground, because even in his current state, he grabbed my ankle when I was walking away and I found myself meeting the gravel road once again. He got on top of me and grabbed my arms as I tried to wiggle free.

"Resist and you'll regret it," he whispered in my ear.

I just stared at him as he started to take off my pants again. I didn't even cry this time. I knew I was finally numb. I couldn't feel a thing while he was on top of me. As he was about to take off his panties we heard two gasps from behind us. I turned my head and saw Sadie and Kwest. "Help me!" I shouted. "Help me, please!"

Kwest quickly reacted and ran to us. Tommy tried to run away but Kwest caught up with him and punched him. Sadie quickly came to my side. She hugged me tightly, and I returned the gesture. I stared as Kwest kept hitting Tommy. Sadie gave me my jeans and put them on hastily. I could see Sadie's rage in her green eyes. She went to Tommy and kicked him in the stomach. I shot up from my spot and stopped both of them. "No, stop, please!" I pleaded. "Don't do this, he's not worth it."

"So, is this what you wanted Jude?" Tommy asked me.

"I turned to face him on the ground with cold eyes. "That's it Tommy. You better watch out because I'm coming after you. Not Kwest's way, and not Sadie's way, but my way."

I sat in that uncomfortable chair with the judge next to me. My lawyer, Mrs. McCormick, was asking me the last few questions I had to answer. "So, you said no to him, correct?" She asked.

"Yes ma'am," I responded shakily.

"Now, I know this might be hard for you but, can you please explain what happened?"

"In how much detail?" I didn't want to relive it.

"In as much as you can handle," she said comforting.

I nodded my head and looked at Tommy. He looked pissed at me, but pretty confident. "I-I went upstairs so we could cool down after dancing. He brought me…some beer. I really didn't want any but…I didn't want to seem stupid, you know?" Mrs. McCormick nodded knowingly. "Well, I only had a couple of sips. Then," I paused. I looked at Tommy again. I suddenly felt fear creep in me again. I started to cry.

"Then what Jude? Go on, it's ok."

I nodded again. "Then, he told me that he loved me. We…we started kissing. He pushed me down on the bed and started to pull up my shirt." I heard Sadie gasp. Jamie was holding in his anger, while Patsy and Kwest were sending me encourage looks. Soon, I started to cry. "I asked him if we could take it slow but, he didn't want to. He p-pinned my…my wrist above my head and started to kiss my neck."

I took a very deep breath before continuing. "He took off my pants. I tried to get away but he pushed me down and slapped me over and over again. Then he…um…he came inside of me…and…" I started to sob.

"It's okay Jude," Mrs. McCormick said. "You don't need to go on. He tried to rape you again correct."

I nodded. "It was on at backroad near the mountains. It was b-behind Eleanor Park."

I was finally able to step down from the stand. I ran to my sister and she hugged me and rocked me back and forth. In about an hour later the judge came back in. He sat down on the stand and looked at me. "Jude Harrison, I must applaud you at your bravery today. It takes a lot to face something like this," he said to me and I smiled at him. "Because of the physical evidence from the doctor report, I hear by find Thomas Jacob Quincy guilty of date rape."

Jamie jumped up smiling and hugged me. I saw Tommy looking at me with sorrow when they put the handcuffs on him. That was a month ago. I haven't seen him in a month, and I am still numb as can be. Jamie said that there's no way I would be able to get over it, but I can face my fears. My fears right now, are none of than Tommy Quincy.

That's why I'm in one of those rooms waiting for Tommy to come. He sat across from me. He pointed to the phone on the side and I picked it up slowly. "Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," I whispered back.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm better," I replied honestly.

"Jude, I know I made the worst mistake of my life. But I've been waiting for you to come. I want to tell you something." I nodded for him to continue. "I love you, Jude and I am _so _sorry."

I smiled. "You know, it's funny. A month ago I would've believed that."

"A month ago? Why can't you believe me now?" He asked outraged at my reaction.

"Because, it's simple Tommy. A month ago…I still loved you," I said.

I hung up the phone and he looked at me in confusion and pure shock. I smiled as the guard led me out the door and into the parking lot. I saw the sun shining. I smiled brightly. I had fought my demon and I was ok. I could finally feel. I felt the sun beaming down on me. I got into my car and looked at myself in the rearview mirror. "Hi Jude," I said to my reflection. "Welcome back!"

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I was going to make Tommy the good guy somehow...with the another idea I had, but I decided this is a lot better. Sorry again if you hate me but I don't care. In a lot of date rape situations, it was either a friend or boyfriend. So face the facts. I hope you leave amazing reviews..again I am so so so so sorry times infinity!! THE END!


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